The Washing Rage

Well it’s been over a week and the letting agency hasn’t even managed to come out and take a look at my antiquated, broken down washing machine. It’s just this kind of behaviour that makes me all the more determined to start up that landlord review website that I posted about a while ago.

They’ve assured me that it will be handled as soon as possible, and that they’ll phone me back when they get hold of the repair contractor. That was yesterday morning though and I don’t hold out much hope of it being fixed this weekend.

Dawn Of Sequel

It’s been a while since I played a decent real time strategy game and I’m looking forward to the upcoming release of Warhammer 40,000: Dawn of War 2 at the end of February. This time round Relic have moved away from the standard base building RTS formula towards a more fluid squad based game. The mechanics are seemingly based on Relic’s hit Company of Heroes series. Hopefully that will reduce the frustrating incidences of having a small start-up base under attack by a huge enemy horde from the get go. Not that this is particularly a bad thing; Dawn of War has always been about mobility and aggressiveness. Unlike many other RTS games you can’t afford to hide in your base and wait for the enemy to come to you: you’ve got to get out there and seize strategic points to generate resources.

It’s often easier to keep the pressure on the enemy with many cheap, lower level troops than to tech up to the giant fighting machines. Not to say that these behemoth units don’t have their place as it’s fair to say that the Warhammer 40K universe is very much about huge battles between titanic armies.

The learning curve can be tough, and all of the individual armies have their own individual style of play. The Orks demand an aggressive attacking style of play while the Tau like to sit back and pound their enemy with ranged weapons. The other races are similarly disparate and promote different and unique styles of play which is fairly unusual in the RTS genre nowadays.

It’s not just the game itself that I love about Dawn Of War: I also love the rich background and setting that Games Workshop have created over the last twenty-five years. The dark and gothic science fiction setting makes a welcome change from the shining golden age of Star Wars and Star Trek and there’s something quintessentially British about a dark, crushingly oppressive future.

If DOW2 is even half as good as the original Dawn of War I’ll be a happy camper.

The Nigerian Identity 2020

I think I might move to Nigeria or the Land of Oz as I like to think of it. If the various news stories that come out of the country are accurate then the entire place seems like a laugh a minute. On the one hand there seem to be dozens of desperate company CEOs, princes and government officials all desperately seeking western aid to smuggle money out of the country. Then on the opposite side of the coin there are stories like this one off the BBC this morning where a vigilante mob have arrested a goat for stealing cars. Apparently it’s a common local superstition that witches and warlocks can change into other creatures, and of course it makes perfect sense to disguise yourself as a small goat when attempting to steal a car. Personally I’d pick an animal that could have a chance of steering the thing though.

The more I read about Nigeria the more I think that it’s really an invented nation out of a dystopian cyberpunk novel by Phillip K Dick. The main themes are already in place: crushing poverty, government corruption, low tech back street repair shops and high tech computer crime. In fact I think the only thing missing from the show is a cybernetic anti-hero out to smash the system.

How about we get Jerry Bruckheimer in to direct, Matt Damon to star and call the whole thing Nigeria 2020?

250 Years Lang Syne

I suppose as an Ayrshireman it would be remiss of me not to mention Rabbie Burns today of all days. Just on the off chance you’ve missed all the Scottish Government tartan flag waving that’s going on: today is 250^th anniversary of his birth. Everywhere across the world folk that don’t know a damn thing about Robert Burns will be getting loaded up on Whisky and Haggis in some dingy hall and giving it laldy at a few of his more socially acceptable works. (Don’t mention the drinking, womanising or the masons.)

Now don’t get me wrong here. I’m not claiming that a celebration of the life of Rabbie Burns should be kept for folk from Ayrshire alone. In fact it’s fair to say that the closest that he ever came to the Irvine Valley was when he dropped off the manuscript for the Kilmarnock Editions. From there he more or less jetted off into high society in Edinburgh before retiring to Dumfries and Galloway where he died in aged only 37.

Burns really didn’t have much impact on my part of Ayrshire, but his story and a few of his more famous works are taught in primary school there just the same.  Like almost everyone that ever did anything of note he sort of bypassed it on the way to fame and fortune. Even Darvel’s most famous son did a runner as a teenager. As a result I’ve never really felt the weird sense of possession that a lot of people in Ayrshire feel towards him. I enjoy a lot of his work, and a lot of it remains as relevant today as it was during his lifetime, but his prolific works never really get the airings they deserve.

Burns was a prolific writer throughout his life with hundreds of poems, sonnets and songs to his name. Yet how many do people actually know? It’s very painfully obvious at times that nobody takes the time to appreciate his works. The worst example of this is probably Auld Lang Syne which half the world belts out at midnight on Hogmanay but I guarantee only the tiniest fraction of people even come close to knowing all the words. Tam O’Shanter and Holy Wullie’s Prayer often get an airing, and more rarely nowadays it’s possible to hear Scot’s Wae Hae.

So on this auspicious occassion I ask that you do the ghost of auld Rabbie a favour, and take a look at all his works. You might learn a thing or two from Ayrshire’s most famous son.

Happy birthday Rabbie Burns,
You son of Ayrshire by the turns,
Who wrote in verse in ages past,
Your words and lines are bound to last,
Down dusty corridors of time,
Till all our lives are gaun lang syne.

Candy Can't Do No More…

My age old washing machine is playing up something rotten. It seems to have taken umbrage at me trying to wash more than two pairs of jeans at once.  I’m sure there’s a horrible burning smell in the air after the last load I put in it as well.

I had a look online to see if there was any troubleshooting advice about that particular model, but by the looks of this advert that came up when I searched it’s nearly twenty years old and past it’s prime.

The Mental Rental Review

In spite of Mr. McDowall’s warnings I think there is a clear case for the creation of a website that allows members of the public to review landlords and letting agencies. It would also contain information on all the landlords reviewed: contact details, hidden charges, checkout procedures and any other pertinent information. What I’m proposing is effectively a combination of a site like S1rentals with a feedback system like the kind found on eBay an it’s ilk. The letting agencies and landlords pay a fee to advertise their properties, but on the understanding that they can and will be subject to review by their tenants. It may even extend as far as reviewing individual properties: imagine if you knew in advance that the flat upstairs had laminate flooring and was occupied by the entire Russian folk and tap dancing team. It might make you think twice about moving into the flat in the first place. Sure this might make it impossible to let some properties, but then what’s to stop the landlord getting shot of the property or doing something about the problem.

Personally I think this would have several major benefits:

Firstly someone entering the rental market for the first time would have a place to go for information about their prospective landlord. They could see up front how good, or bad the company or individual was. They would also have access to information that’s not generally given by the letting agencies and landlords themselves. They’ll be able to see in advance if they’ll be charged a fee to extend their lease and if the landlord has a habit of increasing the rent by a fixed percentage every six months or a year. They’ll also be able to see comments from other users about

I also think that the presence of an independent review system would lead to the letting agents bucking their ideas up a bit. People would be able to see who the better landlords were, and as a result they would tend to favour them. People looking to rent out their properties through letting agents would be able to see the more reputable ones as well, and as a result the cowboys would either buck up their ideas or face being choked out of the market.

Naturally there could be downsides to this idea, and I think that Mr. McDowall’s objections are well founded. We live in an age where half the population are willing to sue over the fact that they only got two sliced gherkins in their Big Macs. It’s a big risk to create a forum that could easily degenerate into a forum filled with potentially libellous comments and information. The internet is a notoriously lawless place where people often feel free to say what they like, but I can’t find any mention of there being explicit protection for websites which act as a forum for comments by users. This page covers the subject in some detail for the United States, but the in the UK the law is typically vague.

I assume that there will be some implied, or even explicit legal requirement for someone running the website to police their users. Liable laws naturally exist to protect the reputations of companies and individuals from malicious intent, but would a website like the one I propose be liable itself for being the point of publishing for such information? In principle I don’t think so. I think the liability and criminal or civil penalties would lie with the individual responsible for posting them.

If the likes of eBay, Amazon and play.com can all include review systems both about individual products and third parties that sell through their sites why can’t there be a website that provides a similar service for the rental market.

Celtic Celluloid

I think it’s high time that someone brought out a movie based on celtic mythology. We’ve been inundated with biblical epics, Japanese samurai movies and medieval set pieces for years. The Norse gods are always getting a good press, but nobody ever seems to do anything revolving around the old Irish myths and legends.

I’ve been fiddling about with a couple of scenes that I’ve got in my head around this theme. I’ve not come up with any concrete characters or any surrounding events but I’ve been partly inspired by The Battle of Mag Tuired where the Irish gods, the Tuatha Dé Danann lead by Lugh defeated Balor and his army of Fomorians.

The mythic history of Ireland is marked by a series of invasions where the preceding inhabitants were displaced by another group. This kind of inspired an opening scene for the movie where several people, probably slaves, are picking shellfish off a shingle beach as the tide goes out. Balor emerges from the surf. He’s a giant of a man clad in armour that’s caked with rust, barnacles and verdigris. The slaves watch him in awe at first, but this quickly turns to terror as more and more of Balor’s warriors emerge from the ocean behind him.

Later on in the movie we meet the hero and as he is thrust into the middle of the war against Balor, the death of the old king and the ascension of a weak ruler who grants concession after concession to the Formorians.

Ultimately the hero of the film will discover their lost heritage as the son or daughter of one of the irsih gods. This gifts them with superhuman speed, strength and abilities which leads to the next scene/image I’ve got rattling around in my head.

The battle lines are drawn between the men of Ireland and the Formorians for a final apocalyptic battle. The hero’s love interest has been taken as a slave by the Fomorians along with much of the rest of Ireland’s population. Balor demands that the Irish soldiers lay down their arms and surrender the kingdom to him. To reinforce his threat he brings forward dozens of nobles bound over to the Fomorians as hostages and threatens to execute them one by one. The weak king and his nobles accede to Balors demands.

The hero however has caught a glimpse of his love interest somewhere behind the Fomorian army and is enraged that the nobles and the king are willing to surrender. He starts to run towards the Fomorian army drawing his sword as he runs faster and faster, eventually running faster than any normal man could. The army is inspired by his reckless bravery and begins to follow his example. As he reaches the Fomorian line he leaps high into the air and crashes down on them like a thunderbolt sending dozens of enemy warriors reeling.

Obviously there’s a lot of mileage between these two potential scenes, but I think the images are interesting in themselves. The only problem is now I’ve written that El Kat will be after the finished article as she loves Celtic history even more than me.

An Icy Risk

This cold snap is driving me nuts. I can’t seem to get ten yards along the street without hitting a patch of black ice. I’ve already went sliding halfway down the Squinty Bridge and I nearly ended up on my face at Charing Cross while trying to get across the crossing. As usual it looks as though Glasgow City Council have restricted their gritting efforts to the city centre streets and major trunk roads. No doubt because they’re too busy saving for these bloody commonwealth games in 2014.

I’ve often wondered how the people who live in the middle of Gardner Street in Partick get on when the pavements turn into a skating rink. Do they stay in their flats, or do they risk ending up skiing down the hill and in the window of the Ettrick Bar at the bottom of the hill. I assume that the steep gradient means that groundwater mostly runs off before it can freeze, but I’m sure there has to have been at least one occasion when it’s frozen solid before that.

What I can’t get my head round is the fact that I’m shuffling along the street, trying desperately not to slip and fall on my arse, and there’s people somehow jogging along or cycling over the same ground without even hint of how slippery it is. How is that even possible? Devil magic is my theory.

Barack Obama, Large And In Charge

Well it’s official: Barack Obama is now the 44^th President of the United States of America. All across the “West” people are rejoicing at the passing of the George W Bush administration and are hopeful that the new kid on the block can put right what once went wrong. In short he’s been hyped up to the high heavens, but if he can accomplish half of what people think he will then he’ll be onto a winner.

The world has entered the honeymoon period that always follows the election of a new president (with the notable exception of George W Bush) where the new boss can do no wrong. I wonder how long it will be before he starts to suffer from the after effects of legislation initiated in the last days by the Bush administration.

Incidentally does anyone else think it’s funny that the media seem to have a lot more interest in Obama’s race than his policies and politics. CNN, the BBC and everyone else have consistantly pointed out the fact that he is black rather than concentrating on the important stuff, the fact that he is an articulate, intelligent and politically adept man. Having watched a lot of the commentary and coverage of his inauguration I’ve invented a fairly simple drinking game: every time someone points out that Barack Obama is black you take a drink. I guarantee that you’ll be out of your face by the end of a single news segment on the BBC.

Poe Ho Ho

Today marks the bicentenary of the birth of Edgar Allan Poe the influential 19^th centenary American writer famous. Poe is famous across the world for his macabre short stories and poems including The Raven which has been much copied and parodied.  His works have influenced as diverse a group as HP Lovecraft  and Sir Arthur Conan-Doyle.

Poe is a surprisingly interesting figure who lived a short but densely packed life. He was a private in the American Army, a noted editor and writer, married his thirteen year old cousin. He was finally was found in a state of confusion wandering the streets in someone else’s clothes and shouting for someone called “Reynolds”. Needless to say his final days were fairly eccentric.