Can you get a cream for that?

I love language, and I love to hear the way people use language especially in day to day life. Something unusual struck me today though while I was talking to some of my colleagues at The Work. People in the West of Scotland tend to ask people if they’ve “got the Gaelic”. It’s a strange turn of phrase, you don’t normally “get” languages, you learn them, you speak them, you write them and maybe you understand them but you rarely catch them like the cold.

I wonder if this is just a recent phenomenon or does it maybe have more ancient roots? Perhaps it’s got something to do with stigma that was long attached to the Gaelic language throughout the reformation period and beyond?

The neighbourhood's still going you know

It looks like Glasgow City Council and the YMCA have read my previous post about the irony of building luxury homes right next to the run down Panmure Street YMCA hostel. Naturally they’ve taken the only reasonable course of action available to them. No they’re not demolishing the hostel, they’re cladding it in some weatherproof material to make it look like some of those fancy new builds down by the Clydeside in Partick(well we all know it’s really Whiteinch and Yoker, but those areas don’t sell half million pound flats as well as saying partick does it?)

Take a swatch as they say:

I’ll see if I can get an after picture as well…

That picture's a bit squinty

As promised here’s some pictures of the newly reopened Clyde Arc on a dull June morning:

It’s good to have the old girl back in action!

Genius, pure genius

For most of us the world turns and day after day seems to merge into one dull drudge after another as we try to get through the days between the cradle and the grave. Some people though are wise to the great race we call life, they’ve kicked off their running shoes and waved bye bye to the rest of us. One such individual is a guy at The Work named Bob. Now bob is nothing special to look at, he’s in his late thirties, lankey and wirey. He works in the facilities department, though we rarely see him going about. I think they keep him in a cupboard in mothballs somewhere deep within the building.

Now Bob likes his ganja, he makes no secret about it and you can usually see him wandering about outside trailing blue puffs of strong smelling smoke. He’s as easy going and friendly a gentleman as you could ever wish to meet.

Today however was his moment of genius and it happened just as I turned the corner on the road to the canteen. Bob was standing there in the corridor with his boss and I was privvy to this almighty clash of genius:

(I took a bit of artistic license with their appearance but you get the idea)

Needless to say Bob’s boss just stared open mouthed at this response, and he was still standing there with a bemused expression ten minutes later.

Back on the Squinty, and Narrow

Finally, after a six month hiatus the Squinty Bridge has reopened at 2100HRS today. It’s down to three lanes just now but that’s better than none at all. The light wasn’t really that great to get a decent picture earlier, but I’ve had a wheech over it and everything is looking as good as new.

Will see if I can get a picture tomorrow.

Don't ask, won't tell

This was inspired by a conversation we were having at The Work about a new recruit. I’ll leave the rest to your imagination.

The Boss of all Processes

This is quite old and a few of you have seen it before, but I found it again a couple of days ago and it made me smile.

Teflon Donz

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I was reading in the news today that Silvio Berlusconi the Italian Prime Minister has managed to get the Italian Senate to ratify a bill that effectively makes him immune to prosecution. The rules only apply while he remains in office, but he’s been in and out of power so often I can’t recall anyone else every being in charge of Italy.

Berlusconi has been dogged with accusations of corruption throughout his several tenures at the top of Italian politics, and each time he’s gotten away with it. I wonder if he’s related to John Gotti…?

The Italian National Magistrates’ Association has asked the Italian Government not to go through with the introduction of the new law. It seems that it might have serious knock on repercussions for the rest of the Italian criminal justice system.

How big must this guy’s balls be to firstly think of this, and secondly to actually manage to get enough people to support him in implementing it? Where else in the modern, democratic world would a high ranking government official get away with changing the law to make themselves immune to prosecution?

I'm Going To Regret This Post

I knew the instant I laid eyes on the Spore Creature Creator that it was a thing that could bring joy and excitement to millions around the world. I also knew that giving people such free reign over the creation of anything would only invite chaos.

Well chaos has arrived dear readers, and in true chaotic style it’s got its bits out. Here’s a quick top five rundown of my favorites so far:

Number Five: Dick-The-Greengrocer

This one looks overly cute and a bit much like a walking cucumber rather than a rude bit. It’s original looking, but if my bits looked like that I’d have to phone the doctor.

Number Four: The-Penis-Poppy

This one looks like the head of a poppy with legs, oh and some kind of mutant third leg that ends in a relatively small but well formed boaby. Not bad, but need more work.

Number Three: Sexy-Senga

I’m sure the guy who created this cheated and just video someone staggering out of Destiny on Sauchiehall Street one Saturday night. The resemblence to a fake tanned nedette that’s pished her pants is UNCANNY.

Number Two: Dragon-With-A-Dong

Hey I don’t even know what dragon dongs look like, but I’m sure this is pretty close to the real thing.

Number One: Play-doh-porn-doh

A lot of very careful work obviously went into this doozy of a creature. Just look at the attention to detail from the perfectly crafted ass cracks to the expertly timed choreography. Outstanding!

Finally this one gets a special mention, just for sheer brilliance, I give you, The FUCK SLUG!

Finally I’d just like to say, that I can’t wait to see what the spambots make of this post….

Really? You think so?

Dear oh, dear oh, dear. The quality of modern journalism really has gone downhill of late. I mean, what EXACTLY were you expecting to find at a grave site…?

Original here.